Feelings, Stupidity, Righteousness & everything in between

To me, you are still only a small boy,
just like a hundred thousand other small boys.
And I have no need of you. And you in turn have no need of me.
To you, I’m just a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
.
But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you shall be unique in the world.
To you, I shall be unique in the world.

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One only ever understands what one tames.

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I shall watch you out of the corner of my eye and you will say nothing:
words are the source of misunderstandings.
But each day you may sit a little closer to me.

---
You are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
You are responsible for your rose.
The Fox

---
I remembered the fox:
you run the risk of a few tears when you allow yourself to be tamed…
The Narrator

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*I love the Fox & I am the little prince. :)

New year

The truth is deep down inside me I know I'm wanting. Yearning for that person who will finally love and "save" me. I want to feel desired, cherished and yearned for. But behind those wantings are the fear.

I am afraid the get hurt, again. My desire for masochism and other martyr acts have already been exhausted. It is finally the time when I'm entitled for even a shred of hedonism.

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*Excerpt. 010107

Year ender

So I thought this was my year. The year when I'm starting the end and beginning something.. good and I thought maybe it would be the year that I will finally fall and be loved. I can't dismiss the possibility that maybe he did or still does but at this or from that point rather it became futile. I've finally killed the chances or possibilities brewing between us. I must and I had finally let myself go and search for someone else, someone worthy (I believe , maybe). I haven't found him yet but I have opened doors for other who are willing. I am actually thinking that maybe I have opened it too much that I even invited some unconsciously (though not really unwanted).

As of now I/m still uncertain if next year I may finally be able to find "him" but I am contented with my optimism and openness. I know I can't push myself towards it but I can't stop myself either. If it comes or not I'm ok.

*original date written 12/30/06

Was it hell or paradise?

You have to resign some of your idealisms to make some work.
(Something I suddenly realized that I wanted him to learn)

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Now I'm completely convinced that I don't like him and what's worst is because of that I'm inclined to hate him. I know its making me a bad and unfair person.

Emotions overshadow our capability of right judgment. I must have been blinded by my feelings for him before. Maybe what I saw is not the real him but the person that I wanted, that I needed.

- "I have annihilated the possibilities" -

Its hard when you are with someone you don't like but it is harder when you know you don't have the option to drive him away, You are caged by the convictions you made before

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All of you are terribly confusing. I can't decipher the actions, words and even text messages go give.
I feel like I'm being toyed by your species.
If you can't make it clear the very least you can do is stop right now while I can still endure (or understand) all of this. Please.

Day 1

I wish I can fool myself that I still like you or love you for that matter.



I know I'm jumping into conclusions again. But I am more afraid for your sake.
I dont' want to disturb the balance that you have long been aiming, struggling and (almost) dying for.

People do things for their sake. Altruism is a disguised form of self centeredness. In my case it is equivalent to guilt.

We both inflicted pain in each other and to ourselves as well. We were miserable. We were masochistic jerks. We were wandering for a commonality in the world and we found each other. We found some relief in that. Then the commonality that bounded us came to haunt us. There comes misery, masochism and chaos. The more we try to mend it the farther we are driven apart. That caused gaps and gaps became silence and silence became misconceptions and misconceptions became what we are.

Starbucks talk

Life is coffee.

- Belgian waffle with bittersweet cream of life struggles-

This pass few days i injested large quantities of caffeine and my pocket has been cleanly swept out of money.

Its ok. I mean its worth it. The talk more than the coffee.

All of us undergoes a certain type of tradegy.

I try to break out of the absurdity and mundaneness of senior life.

I try to find love (again) with or without relationships.

Longest line

It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.

"I have seen you laugh. I have seen you cry. Even if the whole world denies you, you still have me."

(God I wanted to hear that)

Quotes of the day

A vulture of silence
will eat your gut.

Your own misery
will pick at your soul.

And you will be mute in your shame.

From: Apolitical Intellectuals
by Otto Rene Castillo

---
Festina lente et fugit ireparabile tempus

---
And hunger is part of your routine. Like desire, you give in. To it.
To engorge. To live. Just to die.

From: Anti
Sitting Amok XV,
UP Quills bi-annual folio

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The memory
is a happy place
to dwell in.

Sequitur
is found
non
in the
blank eyes
of
Love.

From: Zones
by gretchen singson que (guniguni)